Now that we’ve all seen that the boy wonder from Baltimore can do it, Michael Phelps has entered troubled waters, as he might not have won all eight of his gold medals fair and square. The Olympic Champion extraordinaire seems to have had a little help from either one of his sponsors (Omega watches) or the IOC committee.

A website dedicated to exposing the Phelps conspiracy has emerged.

What would Chuck Norris say.

The Olympics favorite sponsor clown, Ronny McDonny, has recently been spotted in a health clinic, undergoing acupuncture treatment and receiving an enema. Either these were preperations for the Olympics, or forty years of junk food finally caught up with him.

Have you ever wondered why Ronald McDonald and his friends, Mayor McCheese, the Hamburglar, Grimace, Birdie the Early Bird, and The Fry Kids still look the same after 45 years? ( 1963 1972 1983 1991 ) It’s not botox!

The secret isn’t much of a secret really. You simply are what you eat. Stuff your face daily with juicy McDonald’s cuisine and you too can be forever young. Besides oozing with yummy fatties these deliciously tasteless™ burgers and fries are also crammed with preservatives, which make sure they still look fresh after four (wtf!) years. This lady has been carrying one around all that time.

For those that want to know:

McDonald’s Cheeseburger Ingredients:
Beef Patty 100% pure USDA inspected beef; no additives, no fillers, no extenders. Regular Bun Enriched bleached flour (bleached wheat flour, malted barley flour, thiamine, riboflavin, niacin, folic acid, reduced iron), water, high fructose corn syrup, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, yeast, contains less than 2 % of each of the following: salt, calcium sulfate, calcium carbonate, calcium silicate, wheat gluten, soy flour, baking soda, emulsifier (mono- and diglycerides, diacetyl tartaric acid esters of fatty acids, ethanol, sorbitol, polysorbate 20, potassium propionate), sodium stearoyl lactylate, dough conditioner (corn starch, ammonium chloride, ammonium sulfate, calcium peroxide, ascorbic acid, azodicarbonamide, enzymes), calcium propionate (preservative). Contains wheat and soybean ingredients. Pasteurized Process American Cheese Milk, milkfat, water, cream, sodium citrate, salt, sodium phosphate, sorbic acid (preservative), artificial color, cheese culture, acetic acid, soy lecithin, enzymes, with starch added for slice separation. Contains milk and soybean ingredients. Ketchup Tomato concentrate from red ripe tomatoes, distilled vinegar, high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, water, salt, natural flavors (vegetable source). Mustard Vinegar, water, mustard seed, salt, turmeric, paprika, spice extractives. Pickle Slices Cucumbers, water, vinegar, salt, calcium chloride, alum, natural flavorings (vegetable source), polysorbate 80, turmeric (color). Onions (Dehydrated) 100% onions. Grill Seasoning Salt, pepper, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil (cottonseed and soybean).

For the last twelve years these same guys have been the main sponsor for the world’s largest sporting event, the O(i)lympics. Go figure.